Tag: aneurysm survivor

1st Aneuversary

Photo taken today at around 1:30am.

Feeling a sense of serenity in this quiet time of night.

My conversations today was full of thanks to all those who shared the day that was.

My bff asked me today what were the realizations I had with all that went through over the last 12 months. Here were my answers:

1. It was to show and remind me, “I am always here for you.” Everything that has happened is part of a Grand Plan but sometimes we forget that. In the moments we forget, He reminds us that He is always there to guide in both challenging and rewarding times of our lives. Every minute and every event is synchronized with the grace He provides. And if we let Him lead, we will see the reasons why we went through what He let us go through.

2. “Let Me show you how much I love you.” He shows this through the people He sends in our lives. This experience happened at a time in my life I was already in the road of depression. I couldn’t see my “Whys” clearly. I felt that I didn’t have any sense of control over my life and life was just a series of routines. I was hungry for meaning. I was almost about to let go. Then He sends angels in my life to tell me and show me I am loved. Not forgotten. Just loved. And the little things make the difference in the big picture.

3. Our Time is NOT unlimited. And thinking we have unlimited time is the biggest lie we tell ourselves and each other. The time is NOW. When we love the people around us, tell them. Because we don’t know when our time or their time will end. You want to do something that makes you happy, do it NOW. Because time is precious. Time is what we have but a time will come when we will not a lot of it. So spend it with people who makes our skip a beat; spend it with those who support you; spend those who makes every moment bliss. The time is NOW.

4. Our family at birth and our “chosen” family will be there not only in the highs but most especially in the lows of our lives. I have been independent most of my life. “Needing” is not usual. But Family – both chosen and from birth, declares itself mostly in moments when it is unfavorable, uncomfortable, and imperfect. I am truly blessed to be born in the family God provided. I am blessed having my friends I call my chosen family who are sincere, genuine in intentions and who are not scared to show they care and accept it back.

5. Live and let live. Deliberate choices everyday. Living with good intentions everday and being persistent in meeting those. We can choose the path we go and we are guided by our values. Live it by choice a life we are proud of not by others’ standards but the standards we set for ourselves.

And then we let live. Let others live to be themselves. Let them make the choice. Sometimes we try hard to “keep” them even if keeping them is not good for us. If they choose to spend time with us, they will choose it and we will know. If they choose to NOT spend time with us, they will choose that path and we will know, too. Let them show their intentions. No forcing. Just letting and I think that’s fair. Life is supposed to be fluid. And like water, it should flow smoothly.

Today tells a story of openness. Today is a good day to be alive.

#TheGratefulCompilation #AneurysmSurvivor #Aneuversary #SecondLife

Five Months

“These scars that reveal you were broken once also show that you still stand.” – Brijesh
It is now five months since I got out of the hospital.
And I have been hurt the most in this season of my life.
Physically, I was required to rest and take it slow for the last five months. My brain operation left a big “battle scar” and my hair has started to grow back from where my head was shaven to give way to the operation. I have minimal restrictions physically and was finally given clearance to gradually get back to my normal (focus on the word “gradual”). It required mental agility to understand and accept that my situation is beyond my control. That while we control our bodies, when it gives up on us even if the spirit is willing, we need to give it time to heal. It needs time to reset and we need to let it take its time. It also called for realizations that I would have not thought tangible till it happened to me. It was my tough time.
Emotionally, there are internal struggles that I have gone through that challenged and broke me. Some pieces I needed to let go even if those were pieces I would rather care for and keep. There are internal battles that led to crying bouts because I was refusing to surrender to this moment of my life. Moments of uncertainties, and discomfort because of the lack of balance, of misgivings and overdoings. It was my time to regroup and appreciate the process of healing inside.
Fast forward to today, I am happier where I am. My healing time I realize is a redirection – my physical healing and more emotional healing, too. What has kept me afloat all through these months was the acknowledgment that there is a Higher Power that cares and endlessly support me in my struggles. And that is reflected everyday through the people I meet and spend time with. I have never questionned my Faith in this process. There are times that I got angry because I was not in control but only to realize that all the while, there was a BIGGER plan than what I was anticipating. All I had to is to listen to what was being said to me.
All I had to do is surrender.
And there are lessons in this process –
I learned more about forgiveness not only of other people, but forgiveness of myself on things I did and should have not done; of options I chose or failed to choose; to just trust that everything happens in its divine time.
I learned more about generosity – that I also need to be generous with myself as I am generous with others. We get what we deserve and we don’t tolerate being shortchanged.
Lastly, I learn that the breadth and depth of this life is fascinating. It is short but can be worthwhile if we choose wisely on how we want to live it, seek the grace how to live it and surrender to the fact that there are things we can control and there are things that are being worked on for us.
I am grateful for the time I spent to regain what I lost and do MORE of this second life I am given a chance to live with these lessons shielding me and my heart.
I am ready to be back. Let’s use our time to create little ripples. See you all in a few.
#TheGratefulCompilation #AneurysmSurvivor #SecondLife