The Grateful Compilation: First Month

20th.
It has been a month since I got out of the hospital.

Aneurysm. Brain. Operation. Subarachnoid hemorrhage. Clipping. Those were the unfamiliar words and phases I have gotten accustomed to over the last few weeks. Gotten accustomed to pain and periodic medications. I have had trouble articulating and saying words I wanted to say; Had trouble expressing myself; Had to start speech therapy to get to talk again; Had trouble writing words or signing my name (still working on this) using my right hand. I had to get used hiding my head stitches through bandanas and headbands. Had to fight the feeling of insecurity because of the stitches and the “battle scar” I have gotten from it.

Was frustrated. And sad. And a little angry at myself during my 18-day stay in the hospital. Because I knew I was bothering “people.”

But during that period till now, I realize there is a lot to be thankful for – Those who have not stopped praying for me; those who have shown care for me when I was in the hospital and when I got home; those who kept in touch and checked on me on their spare time; those who reached out and reconnected with me to know my whereabouts; those who made/ make time to visit me; those who just gave a damn about me. I have a better appreciation of time because “this” almost killed me.

God is good. All the time.

Familiar words I got to know again: Family, Friendships, Relationships, Reconnections, Love, Care, Support, Effort, Thank you. The words that matter. Words to be grateful for. In this second life. In my second life.

I cannot emphasize enough – Thank you to all of you. May all your kindness go back to you tenfold in unexpected ways.

#TheGratefulCompilation #AneurysmSurvivor #SecondLife

The Grateful Compilation: Second Month

G R A T E F U L.

Something that signifies how grateful I am to have my second life – a second chance to do better. It is a reminder for me on how good God is – to me, to my family, to my friends. It is to remind me to remain being thankful for all the blessings, and for the people around me who continues to support me in this journey.

Two months ago today after getting out of the hospital. Doctor got to remove my stitches/staples yesterday from the brain operation done due to ruptured aneurysm. Healing progress is promising with doctor’s instructions on how to ensure progress is sustained. It will still take a few weeks and months before full rehabilitation and I can’t wait for the time when I am back. Slow and gradual progress. Steady and improving. Day by day.

What does this time teach me?

It teaches me Patience – patience to give myself a chance to heal fully, slowly and with grace.

It teaches me Tolerance – to the things I still cannot change or do because I am healing. Or because I have to endure continued subjection to medicines or tests I have to take; tolerance of those who seem to be true in intent but is otherwise in reality.

It teaches me Calm – how to avoid negative emotions in the middle of stormy situations. Or to avoid overthinking the future.

Most importantly, it teaches me Appreciation – of the people who continues to be supportive inspite of and regardless of the shortcomings healing requires; appreciate those who tirelessly dedicate the effort to know and the effort to care.

I know I have much to learn apart from these. I hope I carry these learnings for many years ahead – To do more, to do better and to do well.

Patience. Tolerance. Calm. Appreciation.

Most especially a heart and mind that’s Grateful.

God is good. All the time.

#SecondLife #AneurysmSurvivor #TheGratefulCompilation #Inked

The Grateful Compilation: Third Month

It has been three months since I got out of the hospital. On those three months albeit difficult, I have been used to a slower pace in how my days and my weeks and my months go by. More time on the slow so I can recover fast and to use the slow time to heal.

I have gotten more activities back into my normal as per doctor’s advise. He said, “Physical wounds will heal faster but BRAIN inside needs more time (to heal).” No food restrictions unless I have intolerances and allergies. No restrictions on physical activities so long as those are done gradually and in the right progression. More time spent on things I have always planned for but no “time” for.

These made me realize that I have to get used to not feel guilty because I am resting, recharging, and putting myself first so I can be back to a stronger version of “me.” I have to be at peace on how I use this time.

I also have come to terms that time is of the essence. We should spend it on those we care for, and those that matter to us. Sometimes, it takes second chances (or more) to make it right. And this second chance I got, I need to spend wisely – still do the BEST I could not just for me but for those who has not been as lucky.

The “goodbyes” I have seen over the last few weeks showed me that at the end of the day, it is all about the breath. How we inhale the good. How we exhale the bad. How we manage the cycle – the cycle of breathe ins and outs that connect E V E R Y moment in our lives. And that connects us with others. It is something we often take for granted. We see when we feel stress, we breathe deeply. When we feel worried, we breathe out. When we are in love, we breathe in and out when we feel our hearts are skipping a beat or when its beating faster than usual. When we need courage or need to be brave, we breathe in to get ready so we can make the right decisions.

Lastly, as always, family always endures – the family I have now and those friends who has been like a family to me. I am grateful for them for supporting me unconditionally in my healing and recovery. And for giving me space to try and get back on my feet in my own pace. They remind me especially during those times I try to get on my “old” and faster pace. They remind me that I need to get back GRADUALLY and not to do everything all at once. And yes, the reminder, “It is okay to slow down.”

Like I said in some previous posts, maybe in it ALL, we only need to do the essential. SAVOR life and make it as SIMPLE as breathing. Or maybe realize and chase what takes our breath away. Accept that the need NOW is to slowdown and GRADUALLY return to normal. And remember that there are people around us who generally care and love us. Maybe they are not good in expressing it but we are expecting. Or they might be showing it but we are not looking.

And everyday I wake up, God shows HIS goodness for letting me breathe in and out. I continue to be thankful and grateful.

#SecondLife #AneurysmSurvivor #TheGratefulCompilation #Inked

The Grateful Compilation: Fourth Month

It has been four months since I got out of the hospital. For those who have been following my journey, you know it has not been easy. Healing has its perks – you sleep longer, sleep whenever you feel like it, do what you need to do to achieve medical satisfaction. It also has its challenges. The physical exertion is monitored to ensure the process I am taking is gradual and not hurried. The life pace I am used to before the aneurysm is a goal today and the work involved to get back on that ‘old’ pace I have to do again.

But in this fourth month, I have made a decision to make it “busy” by stepping up and do the things I have always wanted to do but didn’t have the time on. Here are my insights I have gathered from these new experiences:

FACE YOUR FEARS. Took swimming lessons this month because I have always wanted to learn how to swim. The private swimming lessons took 5 sessions of 2hours each and I learned the basics of swimming! Was able to learn how to navigate through a 4ft pool to a 16ft pool. Thanks to a great teacher for being patient and for the support of friends who encouraged me to jump. How great it is to be able to conquer your fear! I learned from this experience that it is not too late to learn new skills whatever age. And if we are afraid, that makes it a priority to conquer it and move past it. Facing our fears only makes us stronger. And there are people out there willing to help and support if we give them a chance.

RUN YOUR WORRIES AWAY. Been happy getting back to my 5km and 10km milestones and gradually getting on track to building on my half-marathon pace. Not in a hurry this time and just enjoying the momentum as I build up. I get to spend time with friends (who also run) and those that just meet me after the run (Ehem! You know who you are). Run your worries away by spending time with people you value and value you back. Build the pace, enjoy the build up and stay in the moment.

BAKE IN NEW PLANS AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO START OVER. Today is my graduation day from a Basic Baking Class. This is a 4-day course that run around 5-6 hours. The course is all about the learning the basics of baking and building up from there. I have always been curious about baking as we didn’t have an oven growing up. When we finally had it, it was time for college and had to move to the ‘city.’ Baking has taught me patience to wait if after the timer goes off, the cake or bread is not yet ready. When kneading the dough, you have to give time for it to “rest” so it can rise and be double of what it was. It also teaches me it is alright to make mistakes so long as you learn from it. Even if it is not shaped right, be patient. You will learn to do it right. If you missed the salt or sugar, there is always next time. And make sure next time is better and fluffier. 😊 Sometimes we need to start over because that is the only option we have. We attack it more prepared. This time, better.

Lastly, IT IS ABOUT CHOOSING TO LOVE BROAD AND DEEP: Not only other people but loving myself broad and deep, too. There are some decisions we make that we regret; some that we wish did not happen; some words we should have not said; some actions that we should have done. We need to learn to forgive ourselves as we know how to forgive others. We should trust the process that there are learnings out there ready for us to discover and that all these discoveries are out there to keep our hearts strong, our minds clear, and our purpose laid out.

My four months journey so far – Face your fears and believe we can improve ourselves. Spend time and love the people that love us back. Be patient with ourselves as we are patient with others. Lastly, trust the process and keep heart and mind open to possibilities and for the better.

I am learning day by day. Live like it is the last day. Love like your heart will not break. Let go of what weighs us down. Remember, YOU are enough. It may hurt at times, but I remain grateful and I continue to celebrate the life I am given a second chance to live.

#TheGratefulCompilation #AneurysmSurvivor #SecondLife #SwinCentralPH #LifeVestNoMore #TheMayaKitchen #UncomplicatedCooking