“These scars that reveal you were broken once also show that you still stand.” – Brijesh
It is now five months since I got out of the hospital.
And I have been hurt the most in this season of my life.
Physically, I was required to rest and take it slow for the last five months. My brain operation left a big “battle scar” and my hair has started to grow back from where my head was shaven to give way to the operation. I have minimal restrictions physically and was finally given clearance to gradually get back to my normal (focus on the word “gradual”). It required mental agility to understand and accept that my situation is beyond my control. That while we control our bodies, when it gives up on us even if the spirit is willing, we need to give it time to heal. It needs time to reset and we need to let it take its time. It also called for realizations that I would have not thought tangible till it happened to me. It was my tough time.
Emotionally, there are internal struggles that I have gone through that challenged and broke me. Some pieces I needed to let go even if those were pieces I would rather care for and keep. There are internal battles that led to crying bouts because I was refusing to surrender to this moment of my life. Moments of uncertainties, and discomfort because of the lack of balance, of misgivings and overdoings. It was my time to regroup and appreciate the process of healing inside.
Fast forward to today, I am happier where I am. My healing time I realize is a redirection – my physical healing and more emotional healing, too. What has kept me afloat all through these months was the acknowledgment that there is a Higher Power that cares and endlessly support me in my struggles. And that is reflected everyday through the people I meet and spend time with. I have never questionned my Faith in this process. There are times that I got angry because I was not in control but only to realize that all the while, there was a BIGGER plan than what I was anticipating. All I had to is to listen to what was being said to me.
All I had to do is surrender.
And there are lessons in this process –
I learned more about forgiveness not only of other people, but forgiveness of myself on things I did and should have not done; of options I chose or failed to choose; to just trust that everything happens in its divine time.
I learned more about generosity – that I also need to be generous with myself as I am generous with others. We get what we deserve and we don’t tolerate being shortchanged.
Lastly, I learn that the breadth and depth of this life is fascinating. It is short but can be worthwhile if we choose wisely on how we want to live it, seek the grace how to live it and surrender to the fact that there are things we can control and there are things that are being worked on for us.
I am grateful for the time I spent to regain what I lost and do MORE of this second life I am given a chance to live with these lessons shielding me and my heart.
I am ready to be back. Let’s use our time to create little ripples. See you all in a few.
#TheGratefulCompilation #AneurysmSurvivor #SecondLife
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